Lessons From the Friend I Never Had: Finding meaning in dandelions
Photo by Nikola Johnny Mirkovic on Unsplash
Two years ago today, the sunny morning of May 6, 2018, I officiated my first end-of-life ceremony. It was an intimate backyard gathering, marking the two-year anniversary of a death. As with all of the memorial ceremonies I’ve led since then, I got to know the deceased in her death. Through conversations with her family and the pictures and letters I pored over while preparing, I learned about her warmth, her childlike awe and wonder, and her dedication to finding beauty - even in the raw ugliness of illness and dying.
This particular ceremony touched me in a special way. The honoree had been a mother of young children—which I also am — and I grieved the fact that I would never get to know this beautiful human being in life.
Her family fondly recalled how she had delighted in gardening and shared that love with her children. No matter how busy life got, she always had time to pick dandelions with them. Her mother recalled, “Where others saw the weeds, she saw the wishes.” She didn’t shy away from the challenges and difficulties she encountered along her life journey. Instead, she had an unwavering belief in the inherent goodness of people and situations, and was able to find meaning every step of the way.
She was like the humble dandelion — stubbornly, yet cheerily, asserting her place and rooting herself in even the most inhospitable of environments.
Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash
Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash
It’s a strange thing to weep for someone you never knew. I was overcome by tears more than once as I prepared this memorial ceremony. Of course, the sadness I felt was nothing compared to the grief of her family. Though I remember feeling surprised by my own tears at first, I am glad that I opened my heart fully to her memory.
Shortly after the ceremony, a friend and colleague in Ontario sent me a glass globe containing dandelion seeds to mark the occasion. I keep it in a special place in my office. As I work on other ceremonies marking various life transitions, it is a reminder of the cycles of birth, death and rebirth all around us, as well as the beauty that can be found in each stage. With each death — whether it be the loss of life or something else that we hold dear — there are seeds that are dispersed far and wide, bringing new life and hope wherever they go.
Long after the ceremony, dandelions remain inextricably linked in my mind to this first memorial ceremony and the young mother we honoured that bright morning. Like the dandelion, her goodness and love remain firmly rooted in those who loved her. Like the seeds of the dandelion, her loving actions and passion for life were disseminated much further than she could have imagined.
These are lessons I learned from the friend I never had.
Photo by Karla Combres
In what ways do your connections with deceased loved ones (or people you may never have met) continue to inform your life?
Please share in the comments below.
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Credit: Emma Love Photography
AUTHOR: KARLA COMBRES
As a Legacy Guide & Celebrant, I help individuals, couples, families and organizations make the big and small moments in life count, and shape their legacy along the way. I offer:
Drawing on my vast experience as a Life-Cycle Celebrant and in working with people at the end of life, I am uniquely qualified to help people move through transitions meaningfully and to think about how they want to leave this world so they can live better now.
I’m based in Saskatchewan, Canada and serve clients worldwide. Read more about me here.
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