Beyond the Diploma: How to create a meaningful graduation celebration
Photo by Rochelle Nicole
This year marks the first time in more than two years that many universities and high schools around the globe are holding in-person graduation ceremonies.
Despite finding some creative ways to celebrate, many who graduated since the spring of 2020 lament the fact that they weren’t able to participate in traditional graduation ceremonies. I was recently interviewed by Katherine Newman, a journalism student at Toronto Metropolitan University (formerly Ryerson University), for an article that she wrote on the pros and cons of the virtual graduation ceremonies that became the norm throughout the pandemic. (You can read the full article here.)
Although there were some good things that came out of the shift to virtual ceremonies (loved ones being able to tune in from their homes across the globe, for example), many graduates felt they missed out on something important.
Graduation is a rite of passage marking a distinct ‘before’ and ‘after’ in the life of a graduate. Graduation ceremonies celebrate the fruits of years of hard work and sacrifice. But more than that, they signify that a person has left a previous chapter of their lives to enter a new one. They’ve gained new skills and knowledge, as well as membership to an exclusive community of alumni who have walked the path before them. For many of the students, graduation also marks their transition to adulthood. It’s an exciting time in their lives; they’re about to step out, blaze their own trails and offer their gifts to the world.
What makes graduation a rite of passage?
According to the French ethnographer Arnold van Gennep, rites of passage have a ceremonial pattern consisting of three phases: separation, transition (sometimes called ‘liminality’, ‘initiation’, ‘transformation’ or ‘threshold’) and incorporation. Each symbolic and ritual element of a rite of passage ceremony reflects one of these stages.
Photo by Hillary Peralta
Rituals are actions which, when imbued with intention, create meaning. Below, I explain what is going on in each phase of a typical graduation ceremony and provide a few examples of common rituals for each one.
Separation
The first phase, separation, is at the beginning of the ceremony and it signifies the end of a student’s academic career. This phase acknowledges what came before and signals that they are on the threshold of unknown territory, about to start a new ‘quest’. Typical graduation rituals from this phase include:
donning of cap and gown
processional
valedictorian speech acknowledging the cohort’s years of hard work, study and fun
Transition
The second phase, transition, is the murky middle where a person has left their past state, but hasn’t fully entered the next one. Full of uncertainty and anticipation, this time can feel simultaneously scary and exciting. Ritual elements during this phase reflect that in-betweenness and often offer support, assurances and guidance to the person who is graduating. Typical graduation rituals from this phase include:
crossing the stage to receive a diploma
speeches by special guests or professors offering wisdom for the road ahead
moving the tassel on the cap after receiving diploma
Incorporation
In the third phase, incorporation, graduates reenter society with their new identity. There are two aspects to incorporation: (1) the effect of the ceremony on the graduate; and (2) the effect of the ceremony on the larger community. Typical graduation rituals from this phase include:
presentation of the graduating class to the gathered community
recessional
party!
Each of these graduation rituals plays an important role in symbolizing a student’s crossing over to the next phase in their life. The enactment of these rituals helps an honouree shed their old identity and take on a new one, and also helps their community to integrate and welcome their graduate’s new status.
What’s missing?
The experience of graduating is different for each person. It is a time for celebration, but as with every milestone, there are myriad emotions at play: uncertainty, pride, loss and fear, to name just a few.
On top of all this, many students have also undergone other significant life changes during the course of their studies. Some may have become parents. Relationships may have started or ended. They may have been touched by illness or grieved the death of a close loved one. During the pandemic, many of those transitions may have happened without the meaningful support of their community.
What I’m getting at is this: a one-size-fits-all graduation ceremony put on by the academic institution could not possibly honour the huge transition that each student has undergone.
Deepening the personal graduation experience
Given the long periods of isolation and disconnection over the past twenty-seven months, it’s now more important than ever that students’ graduations be marked through meaningful gatherings of family and friends. At first, these smaller gatherings might seem secondary compared to the pomp and circumstance of formal school-based ceremonies. However, when done well, these more intimate gatherings have the potential to deepen the bonds of community and support the student to transition fully into their new status.
In order to achieve this, those organizing such gatherings need to be thoughtful and intentional in every step of the planning process. This quote from one of my favourite group facilitators, Priya Parker, perfectly illustrates this point:
“Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try.”
~ Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters ~
Photo by Miguel Bautista
Plan a gathering with intention and heart
If you are hosting a graduation gathering, you might be wondering, “How the heck do I ‘bake invisible structure’ into my event?!” Well, I’ll tell you one thing: it’s not enough to just bring your people together.
Before starting, consider the underlying purpose of your gathering. To illustrate, I’ll use a hypothetical example:
Let’s say you are having ten friends and family members over for dinner to celebrate your son’s convocation. The obvious reason for the gathering is to celebrate your son’s achievement (completion of his schooling). But equally important might also be for him to feel the love of his community after a tough couple of years and to feel supported on the road ahead. Another underlying purpose of the gathering is for the community to accept your son’s new status and see him with fresh eyes.
Next, use the three phases that van Gennep identified as the basic building blocks for your gathering. This can be done even for the most basic of gatherings and it doesn’t have to be rigid or formal!
With your purpose as your guide, consider what each phase of this rite of passage means for your son and his community, and come up with some simple elements and ritual actions to reflect each one at your gathering.
I’ll walk you through the steps below:
Separation
Considerations:
How has his family and community helped him? Who were his main teachers and mentors?
What obstacles has he had to overcome to get to this point?
Possible ritual elements:
In addition to friends and family (ie., parents, grandparents), invite a special coach or professor.
Invite guests and ask them to be prepared to share a few things about and for your son (see bullets in transition phase below).
Before the meal, gather everyone together in a circle. Give each person a drink and a single flower.
If a loved one has recently died, honour them somehow. You could have a bouquet of flowers set out in their memory, along with pictures of them and your son at various stages of his life. You might want to begin with a brief moment of silence to reflect on the gift they were to their community and, in particular, the ways in which they impacted the life of your son.
Invite your son to share with the group an anecdote about how his academic journey has been and what the support, love and friendship of each person there (as well as any important people who could not attend (alive or deceased)) have meant to him. Perhaps he presents each person with a card or small gift.
Transition
Considerations:
What qualities or skills has your son developed that will help him in this next phase of life? How will he use them?
How can his community help ease him through this transition and bolster his confidence?
Possible ritual elements:
Go around the circle again, this time inviting each guest to share:
a quality they admire in your son and a story that illustrates that quality,
some wisdom as to how those qualities will serve him and his community well,
how they will continue to show love and support to your son in his future.
As each guest speaks, invite them to place the single flower they were given into a large vase in the centre.
Invite your son to make a simple pledge (could be off-the-cuff or pre-written) to stay true to his values and listen to his heart as he carves out his own path in life, and to draw on the wisdom and support of his community in times of need.
Incorporation
Consideration:
How can you acknowledge and celebrate your son’s new status?
Possible ritual elements:
With a hug, present your son with the bouquet from the centre, which is made up of all the individual flowers from the guests. This is a simple, beautiful and tangible way of symbolizing the community’s support for him.
Now invite him to step into the centre of the circle, to be surrounded by his people.
Invite all guests to raise a toast to your son and shower him with congratulations. If you’re anything like me, you may even want to break out into song: “For he’s a jolly good fellow….”!
Enjoy your meal together!
Remember: first goodbye, then hello
We need to say goodbye to what was before we can say hello to what will be. In this way, ceremony and ritual literally help pave the way to our future. Approaching a graduation gathering with thoughtful planning and intention (or, as Priya Parker would say, ‘baking’ some light structure into it), deepens the experience for the honouree and strengthens the bonds of community. When enacted with care, even simple rituals help us mark time, make meaning and add richness to our lives.
Happy planning!
Would you like help in crafting your meaningful graduation or other gathering?
Besides writing and officiating ceremonies, I also offer hourly consultations for those who prefer to do-it-themselves.
Reach out to book a no-obligation call!
AUTHOR: KARLA COMBRES
As a Legacy Guide & Celebrant, I help individuals, couples, families and organizations make the big and small moments in life count, and shape their legacy along the way. I offer:
Drawing on my vast experience as a Life-Cycle Celebrant and in working with people at the end of life, I am uniquely qualified to help people move through transitions meaningfully and to think about how they want to leave this world so they can live better now.
I’m based in Saskatchewan, Canada and serve clients worldwide. Read more about me here.
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